Friday, April 15, 2016

The Domineering Baby

I was just hanging out in the bar at the hotel when this mafia boss who had somehow been transformed into a baby started threatening me. He kept saying "you'd better X" and "you'd better not Y" and so on. I didn't want any trouble, so I kept responding "okay, sure" and "okay, all right, no problem" and "yeah, I can do that" and "don't worry, I wouldn't do that" and so on and so forth. But eventually I got so fed up with this guy that I gave up and just started beating him up.

The bartender said, "are you sure that's a good idea?"

"What?" I said. "You think he has a gun in his diaper or something?"

"Well, he might."

"Psssh. In a size 3? If he had a size 5 on I'd be worried. But a 3? Forget about it."

Finally, I kicked him out the door and went back to the bar. But then I saw through the window that he suddenly transformed back into his normal, regular, plain ol', adult, non-baby self, complete with a suit and tie and everything. He pulled a pistol from his inside coat pocket and headed for the bar.

Crap. Well, I started running away. For a while he was chasing me all over the hotel, and I figured eventually he would calm down and the whole thing would just blow over. Or if it didn't I guess I could just hide out in a cave up in the hills with a diaper rifle. I mean, sniper rifle. Dammit.